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2023.11.29 04:52 Jamestkim Why I choose and enjoy being a sugar daddy… (1/2)

Recently, I’ve spent more time on the SLF Reddit. Maybe because I’m back in the bowl after a long-term (2.5 years) arrangement ended or simply because I need to see/communicate with like-minded people. Whatever the reason be, I’ve seen a few posts about & received a few chats asking why I choose and enjoy being a sugar daddy and I want to tell my story.
Little background: I'm a mid-40s Asian guy who has been in the SR lifestyle for the last nine years, on and off, after my first marriage. I had a few long-term (15 months, two years & 2.5 years) arrangements and a few short ones, such as two months of a summer fling with a college student during summer. I'm in a smaller state between two major cities (100 miles from where I live), so major SBs are usually played in the cities.
I'm financially doing fine. I own some fine automobiles free & clear. I enjoy my cars on track and other ways it meant to be enjoyed. I fly plane as hobby few hours a week. All expensive hobbies which costs about the same as monthly allowance if it’s not way more. I’m a client of a few different major banks' private banking sections.
Working as a consultant, I’m not in it for the money but for the feeling of ‘I was right all along!’ I have clients in Europe, Asia, and the US. I usually have free time in the afternoon during the weekdays. Bunch of meetings/conference calls in the evening until the early part of the morning often. I work from home and travel usually one week out of the month for clients. Couple of overseas trips (for both work and pleasure) every year as well.
My last SB got her master's and became a teacher three states away. I was off the lifestyle for a while, busy with life and work. Finally, went back on seeking in August and had a few M&Gs and 'trial run's. My style of messaging is basically - Let's skip the chit-chat. I'll pay for your time at M&G (usually $***), and let's see if we click.- I had few 'rinsing' experiences but had a good success rate in turning M&G into a 'trial run.' (a.k.a. PPM). But due to very NSFW turn-offs or sexual incompatibilities, all those PPMs never became allowance nor lasted longer than a couple of weeks. My allowance/PPM is above average in my state. And slightly below average for neighboring metro cities based on the SLF master sheet. I can certainly afford to match major cities' allowance, but I don't want to travel 2+ hours one way for meet-ups. However, right now, I feel like the bowl in my state is exhausted. I’m starting to venture out of state for the search of next SR.
When I’m in long-term SR, I also usually do a couple of PPMs/Weeks allowance worth of gifts (Apple watch, iPhone, Cash, Gift cards for UBESaks/Apple) every other month or so. I'm not close to a Whale by any means, but I paid a down payment ($****) for the Volvo lease for my last SB as a parting gift. so, I'm being 'casually generous' if there's such a thing. Originally, I would buy her a certified, pre-owned used car. But she insisted that she only wanted my help to get the best deal using my connections and discounts and find her safe car. So, I paid a good amount of money as a down payment for her so she could afford a low monthly payment on her thin new teacher salary. Recently, I got an email from her mentioning the donorschoose campaign for her classroom. I think she didn’t mean to send it to me, as I was one of dozens of recipients. I ended up donating about 80% of her goal as an anonymous person. It might be mean nothing but I just want to support her from afar.
Anyway, get back to what I wanted to write. Before I joined SA (I just checked. I joined SA in October of 2013. Although I created the profile in 2013, I didn’t start SR until 2014 after I moved to my current state) In my Mid 20s (circa 2005), I was based in midwest state. I had a building with an office and workshop as headquarter and two satellite offices in LA and NYC (Fort Lee, NJ, to be exact). I used to stay one week in HQ, One week in NYC, back in HQ for a week, then head out to LA for a week. I did that life on repeat for about 3 years or so. At the same time, I had my first wife, who went to graduate studies, and grandparents back home in the midwest. (I lost my parents a few years prior). I also had a long-term rental residence in NJ and LA as well.
Back then, most of my clients were from East Asia (Japan, Korea). In the late 90s and early 2000s, East Asian Business Cultures were described as “deals made over whisky and woman’ which means I had to treat higher-ups (directors/VPs) of clients to dinner, drink, and night with an escort(All of them wants blonde with whitest skin possible) in order to get more business. So, I was exposed to that side of lifestyle very early on. After all, I was the boss of my company, and I had to pay and enjoy nightlife together as sucking up.
So, my life outside work was pretty much George Clooney’s character in the “Up in the Air” movie. There were one-night stands, and sometimes, let a lady stay at my long-term residency when I was not there. Although I was in my 20s with heavy stamina, my mental state started to take a toll. Especially, from all the one night stands and casual relationships where so much drama and emotional baggage came along. I was just done with the game of ‘would she fuck me? Or not’ in one night stand/short encounter and clock watching/‘everything has a price tag’ mind of escorts. Later, This is where the mindset of SR came in. The biggest reason of SR from SD point of view is intimacy. Instead of wondering, it is expected and enjoyed in comfort knowing of STD status, no haggling and such.
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2023.11.29 03:14 quiltsbeyondborders GAY LIVE DATING APP

Gay dating apps have revolutionized the way LGBTQ individuals meet and connect with potential romantic partners. With the rise of mobile technologies over the past decade, a new generation of apps have emerged that focus specifically on matching gay, bisexual and queer identifying men. While dating sites have existed online for many years, apps brought the experience directly to users' smartphones, allowing for constant connection and interactions on the go.
Some of the most popular gay dating apps today utilize livestreaming and video calling features that take connectivity to an entirely new level. Rather than simply exchanging messages or browsing photos, apps like Grindr XXX, Scruff and Sniffies allow users to see and interact with potential matches in real time through live video. This adds a sense of presence, intimacy and spontaneity that was missing from traditional online dating platforms.
Livestreaming on gay dating apps works in a variety of ways. Many integrate one-on-one video chat or group live broadcasting directly into the interface, similar to how features function on apps like Instagram Live or Facebook Live. Users can go live from their profile pages and others nearby can tune in to watch in real time. This opens up possibilities for flirty exchanges, showcasing talents or hobbies, virtually socializing, and starting conversations that may lead to offline meetups.
In addition to individual live broadcasts, some apps like Sniffies utilize a map-based interface where users' live video streams appear as dots on a geographical heatmap. Other viewers can then browse the map, tap on a live dot, and instantly join someone else's stream. This mimics the experience of exploring a crowded club or cruising spot, peeking in on different scenes unfolding in real time all over the local area. It brings a sense of presence, anticipation and anonymity that some find thrilling or exciting in a voyeuristic sense.
Privacy and authenticity are major concerns with live capabilities on dating platforms. Many warn that broadcasting expects other users to see one's face in real time risks exposing identities or locations against one's wishes. Catfishing also becomes easier if individuals use video to present an inaccurate representation of themselves. Apps have implemented features to mitigate risks, like allowing viewers to anonymously watch without their own profile visible, or restricting lives streams to only be viewable by mutual connections or friends. But privacy and deception issues remain ongoing challenges as the technology evolves.
Proponents argue live video bridges distances in meaningful ways, helps avoid lingering in message purgatory, and cultivates genuine chemistry that's harder to feign compared to static photos alone. Being able to see mannerisms, energy levels, surroundings and how others carry themselves in real time offers valuable social cues for assessing compatibility and interest that standard profile browsing lacks. It also brings a liveness, social presence and sense of intimacy that aligns well with hookup culture which many users turn to apps seeking.
From a business perspective, live capabilities are important engagement and monetization drivers for platforms. The more compelling the in-app experiences, the more time users spend on the apps and the more data can be collected about preferences, locations, habits and patterns - highly valuable intel that drive targeted advertisement revenue. Video consumptions also opens doors to new in-app monetization models like tipping, subscriptions and pay-per-view content that don't exist for messaging-only platforms. This incentivizes continuous feature development in live-streaming and video functionality.
Not all users are equally comfortable broadcasting themselves live or watching random streams of strangers. Those seeking discreet casual encounters may feel live options compromise their privacy too greatly. others critique apps for seemingly prioritizing revenue opportunities over user wellbeing, through pushing addictive or explicit live content without sufficient guardrails. Consent and guidelines around streaming are also sometimes ambiguous - are broadcasters expecting private, socially engaged viewing, or something more overtly sexual in nature? Without clarity, uncomfortable interactions can easily arise.
In general, younger users born after 1995 appear most acclimated to live mobile technologies and embrace streaming capabilities on dating platforms more readily than older demographics. To older LGBTQ individuals, live video may breach a generational divide in levels of technological fluency and comfort with public self-presentation that they did not grow up with. While opening new avenues for connection, live broadcasts prioritize an instant, image-centered communication style that does not suit all personality types or dating preferences equally.
As with all new technologies, both benefits and shortcomings can emerge from incorporating live video into the dating experience. Used intentionally and consensually between all parties, proponents argue live video on apps like Scruff or Sniffies facilitate meaningful human interaction, spontaneity and honesty in evaluation that static profiles alone miss out on. Skeptics warn of privacy, authenticity, consent and addiction issues that platforms may not always sufficiently mitigate as they rush to roll out new monetizable features. As with all dating mediums, live streaming brings both opportunities and ambiguities depending on individual circumstances and intentions. Overall it has undoubtedly reshaped the intimate landscapes of gay communities in substantial ways.
The integration of live video capabilities into gay dating apps marks a significant departure that amplifies some existing dynamics while altering social norms in LGBTQ spaces. Whether broadcasting live or passively viewing streams, participants navigate issues of consent, disclosure, virtual vs IRL identity separation, and how best to optimize technologies to cultivate genuine human connection instead of replace it. As with all radical shifts, both benefits as well as unanticipated downsides are inevitable. Ongoing discourse around balancing commerce, wellbeing, evolving cultural practices, and addressing misuses will be important to shape streaming's role in queer connectivity moving forward.
Livestreaming has emerged as a transformative new development within the universe of gay dating apps, bringing unprecedented intimacy, spontaneity and authentic social cues but also risks if misused or inadequately safeguarded. Like all technologies, it offers affordances for both intimacy and objectification depending on intentions of those using it. Overall it marks an expansive frontier that promises to further reshape LGBTQ dating landscapes and online socializing in years to come, for better or worse, requiring ongoing discourse, education and platform responsiveness. Whether live video cement its prominence or proves a passing trend depends on how various stakeholders can best maximize benefits while mitigating inherent technical, cultural and commercial challenges it presents.
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2023.11.29 01:07 LeftHvndLvne Shelbey Thornburgh was found brutally murdered in her Houston apartment more than 8 years ago. Despite CCTV footage and DNA evidence, her killer remains at large

Shelbey Thornburgh was just 20 years old in 2015 when her life was brutally taken from her by an unknown assailant. Despite CCTV footage of the suspect and DNA evidence, her murder remains unsolved almost a decade later.
Shelby Thornburgh had a difficult childhood, according to accounts from her sister Krystina. The siblings grew up in rural Texas in the foster care system, and Shelbey reportedly struggled with abuse and weight problems in her adolescence.
As she grew up, Shelbey worked hard to improve her life circumstances. With help from her sister, she lost weight and eventually move to the city of Houston. “She had determination to make herself where she wanted to be," said Krystina in an interview, noting the young woman aspired to be a model.
After moving to Houston, Thornburgh became involved in escorting, initially telling loved ones that the job made good money and didn’t involve sex work. At the time of her murder, however, Shelbey was reportedly doing sex work and working with a pimp named Marcus.
The murder (TW description of attack)
On Wednesday, November 4, 2015, Shelbey planned to meet with a client at her apartment in the 7500 block of Bellaire Boulevard in southwest Houston. This client is the prime suspect in her murder.
Shelbey reportedly communicated with the suspect leading up to her murder. At 8:33 pm the suspect texted Shelbey “I’m here”, before being caught by security camera entering the lobby of her apartment moments later.
Shelbey texted her pimp at 8:40 pm saying “Gud”, a code word which meant that the date was going normally and she had been paid. At 8:57 pm, the suspect is seen stepping out of the elevator and proceeding through the lobby, before exiting through the front door.
When Shelbey failed to respond to Marcus following the date, he reportedly went to her apartment around 10:00 pm. Marcus found Shelbey nude and lying on her bed, having sustained a single cut to her throat. Sources report that Shelby's neck was slashed from left to right with a large knife similar to a Bowie knife or chef's knife. The cut was reportedly deep enough that it pierced her spinal cord, causing her to eventually bleed out.
Following the discovery of Shelbey's body, police were able to collect DNA evidence from a hair found on the young woman's body. However, the DNA failed to match anyone in the system, leading to a dead end. Additonally, the suspect communicated with Shelbey through a burner phone which unfortunately could not be traced.
CCTV footage of the suspect was acquired, showing the man arriving and leaving the apartment complex. The suspect is described as a white male, approximately 5'11 - 6'1" tall, and between 150-170 pounds. He is seen wearing sunglasses, a light-colored long-sleeve shirt, and cut-off shorts.
According to the FBI, the suspect may have ties to Dallas, Texas, and New Orleans, Louisiana. Some sources have stated that the swift and calculated nature of the crime may indicate the suspect has additional victims.
Personal observations
One thing that caught my eye when researching this case and viewing the CCTV footage is the shoes the suspect is wearing. One source describes them as "tennis shoes", but to me they look like they could be Crocs shoes. It also looks to me like the suspect has a receding hairline, and possibly a thinning patch in the center of his head. The suspect appears to have an athletic build, which combined with the depth/precision of Shelbey's wound, makes me wonder if the suspect has military training or hunting experience. I couldn't find an approximate age of the suspect but he appears to be relatively young, possibly late 20s-30s.
I wanted to bring awareness to this case as its stuck with me since I first heard about it. Something about the CCTV footage is especially chilling to me because the suspect looks so unassuming and calm. This case is harrowing and I can only hope that with the DNA evidence and CCTV footage, Shelbey will soon get the justice she deserves.
Anyone with information on Shelbey Thornburgh's murder can submit a tip by visiting the Houston Crime Stoppers.
(Edit: added info)
True Crime Daily
Gavin Fish - Shelbey Thornburgh
CCTV Footage
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2023.11.29 00:05 OutsideTheBirdCage Our fellow writers who have inspired us.

When I love a book or poem or play I also delve into information on the writer. As writers we all have writers who inspire us. That we admire. Who are some that inspire you all? I have quite a list. Lately been thinking a lot about Tennessee Williams. I grateful to the many videos of him online. I love to hear him talk. That slow distinct southern drawl. And in years when it was hush hush he would be open about his sexuality if asked in an interview. An interesting lunch date would be going out with Tennessee Williams, Truman Capote and Gore Vidal. Within 5 minutes the manager would be escorting us to the exit.
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2023.11.28 20:58 Due_Caterpillar5583 Thank you for listening...

I think I just want to tell my story? Like it out there in a way other people can see it and give me advice, support, or a new viewpoint. I think that by trying to explain the situation to a stranger, I will be able to see it more clearly. I will be placing my inner monologue as I any typing in [] to help try and understand the situation in a new light.
TLDR: My (27F) boyfriend (28M) suddenly ended our 7.5 year relationship after having a sudden shift in personality. I'm feeling confused and at fault. How do I start to process?
Me (28F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been dating seven and a half years. We graduated undergraduate together moved in together and went to the same graduate school for the past six and a half years. [God, just saying that is like, we were only together a year before moving in together. That is honestly crazy to me looking back. Really crazy if you think about how his relationship right before me was. That was bad.] His first year at graduate school, he had medical issues and almost died. He isn't on good terms with his family, so I was the one making all the decision about life and death regarding him. We had only been dating almost two years. At one point, because we made such little money, the hospital financial officer told us to not get married until it was financially beneficial to us. There were so many hospital bills. That is when I started paying for everything. He lost his job and income, but I was still trying to go to classes (AND PASSING), teaching, getting everything done that needed to be done. He would have been homeless at that point without me. But we got through it, and he somehow got better. The doctors still aren't sure what happened. I had to put in a lot of effort to ensure I was not removed from my program. I remember the program coordinator saying "I don't understand why him being sick would affect her." Looking back on it, that was surreal. What a terribly hard situation for two 22-year-olds to be in.
Things were nice and calm after that. We both had classes and bonded over TV shows. We would do things and hang out with our other 'couple friends'. We are both graduate students, but in different departments so I'm making about $27k a year and him about $17k. I find a good advisor and support system. It was fun. It was really nice. But then COVID hit. Our friends moved states away. We seemed to only have each other. COVID was hard, since I'm normally so social. [Something people keep bring up now as a reminder to talk with someone, but sometimes it is so hard to find someone who will just listen.] We really bonded. We survived a tornado. I had major knee surgery. We just had so much time with our cats. We spent so much time talking about the future and staying together. About when it would be beneficial to get married. Then my partner starts referring to me as partner because girlfriend doesn't feel right and with how long we have been together it is a domestic partnership. My partner starts working for the same advisor as me. We start getting work friends together. Everything seems good.
But we can't stay in graduate school forever, so we start looking for Jobs with both of us graduating with PhDs. My advisor networks to find me the perfect position. The new boss is so excited that she will offer a second position to my partner as a 'couple hire'. This position is in Europe, it is amazing. The boss and I click. It is perfect for my partner too. He is so excited. We interview together. We meet the entire lab together over zoom. There wasn't a single time I felt anything was off. But things happen and my graduation gets pushed back. My partner is traveling on conferences. One conference he comes back super angry. It was right before we were supposed to go to a party. Yes, I could have handled it better. I could have just pushed my feelings aside, but I was worried when it took him so long to get home. When he said he would be there in 10 minutes, and it had already been 30 minutes.
We still went to the party. I had people ask me why he was avoiding me. He got way to drunk. So drunk I had other people telling me I needed to take him home. Walking to that car was horrible. He broke up with me. That was the first time I heard that he was even thinking about it. He said things to me that were specifically said to hurt, while simultaneously making me feel sorry for him (example: He is so terrible because he is always making me angry and I'm always angry because he is not good enough for me. I didn't really love him, I just loved having something to take care of.) Everything I said that night was a lie. What he said was his truth, and you can't argue with that. There isn't a point.
I took care of him, because what else could I do. I rubbed his back as he cried. I got him water when he vomited. I cleaned up after the said vomit. Until he fell asleep, and I said up all night making sure he slept fine. He didn't ask for me to do this, it just felt like the obvious thing to do. The next morning, he doesn't remember anything. He doesn't remember being drunk. He doesn't remember any of the things he said to me. He is supposed to leave for another trip but pushes it back a day to spend more time with me because he can tell I'm upset. He makes sure I know that he won't be able to see his brother [That he doesn't even talk to because of what an awful person he is. Like, why would he even WANT to see that brother. This whole month doesn't make sense and I'm so confused. Is he lying to me? How long has this been planned?] because he is moving his trip back a day. But we spend time together and it was okay. We would talk about it when he gets back.
Then he ghosts me. He is gone for three days and just doesn't send me anything. I try to give him space and send him a cute picture of our cats once a day to just start a conversation. He sends nothing back. So I wrote him a letter. My stable partner had left and come back a completely different person. In my letter I told him he broke up with me when he was drunk. I told him that I loved him, but if what he said was true when he was drunk, we should break up. I would give him space and we could work out the details of things later. His comfort was the most important thing to me. [It was that moment he should have broken up with me. That would have been the best moment for him to have civilly left.] I gave him the letter when he first came back. He told me he needed some time to think about it.
He left for another conference two days later without having responded or even mentioning my letter. He does text me at this conference. Almost constantly trauma dumping on me about how broken he is. Things that happened years ago. How sorry he is that I'm having to deal with it. How I would be better off without him. But everything I respond back with is just a lie to him. There is no winning. He has never done this before. He has completely changed since that conference but he swears nothing happened to trigger it.
When he comes back home again, he tells me he wants to work on our relationship. But he can't go through 'this again' and this is 'the last chance.' There are things that I need to work on. He wants our relationship to be healthier. He is just depressed and needs support. The next day or two, it is like we have constant sex. It seems to be all we do. Things feel comfortable and safe again. Until we are laying naked on the couch and my partner tells me he wants to have sex with other people. This feels really out of left field. I'm constantly horny and he can't keep up with me. I have to repress a lot of my sexual urges. Why does he want other people? I'm just so confused. I bring up this point, the fact I'm not okay with him having sex with other people. He responds with "But you can also have sex with other girls so it would be fair. But I don't think I'd be okay with you having sex with another guy." This is such point of fact for him. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. I told him I'm not comfortable with it and he says we should break up. [Confused. Confused was the first thing I thought.] I get emotional and start crying. Trying to explain how much it hurts that we just spend the past 18 hours having constant sex only from him to now break up with me. He tells me "Just because we are broken up, our relationship doesn't have to change. Why are you blowing this up? You are still my best friend." I put too much time and effort into trying to explain that. Why I felt like that wasn't fair. Why I would have to leave.
That is when he isolated me. Made me feel like it was my fault. Somehow, I was overreacting and if I tell anyone they will think I'm crazy or overreacting. He told me "all your friends are also my friends, so you don't want to put them in the middle of this. It wouldn't be fair to them." In the end, he changed his mind. It wasn't worth me leaving his life to break up and I needed to be more supportive. Then he had to defend his dissertation. It was pushed back a week to the same day I was supposed to pick up my sister from the airport and surprise my mom for her birthday... in a different state. My family went out of their way to help me with my mother and sister, so I could stay for my partner's defense. I spend the week up to the defense cleaning the house and making sure my partner had all his needs taken care of. His defense happens and he passes. But he still isn't 'happy' or satisfied. He ends up talking with my advisor for three hours that day as 'a mini-therapy' session but doesn't tell me what they talked about. I push off my trip to my parents' house. We end up only getting dinner with one other friend. My partner is upset that more people didn't care or want to celebrate him. The next morning, I leave for my parents' house. That trip is normal. We text like we normally do. I call him the last night to tell him when I’m coming back. We talk about going to Germany together. He says he is excited to see me and he loves me.
We broke up the next day…
In my memory these next events happen very quickly in a blur, but more realistically, there are hours between them. (Tuesday before Thanksgiving) I come home 5am and go to sleep. My partner gets up and leave to go to work. I awake up and work from home. He comes home after work and we talk about future plans. Our dream jobs and how we could make those work together. We start watching TV together. About an hour later he says that he wants to sleep with other people. Not just sleep with but also date. If we stay in a relationship, he needs that. I can’t do that. I feel too insecure and want someone faithful to me. I can’t give him that. Then I explain how I can’t handle seeing him with other people. That it would hurt me and upset me; I can’t do it. So he breaks up with me again. This time I’m exhausted, confused and sobbing. I just grab the keys and leave through the front door. As I’m leaving he says “I don’t understand why you are going.” To which I reply “Because you broke up with me and I can’t stay here.” as I walk out the door.
Well I grabbed the wrong keys, so I can’t actually leave so I come back inside after I have calmed down to collect the correct set of keys. My ex-partner at this point is sitting on the couch. When I come in he hugs me and pulls me over so we are sitting on the couch. He lays my head in his lap and starts playing with my hair. He tells me he loves me, that I’m his best friend and the most important thing to him. So I say “So we aren’t breaking up?” And he says “Oh no, we ARE breaking up.” To which I just up and just shout “THAT IS SO SHITTY! Who does that? Why would you do that?” And storm out the back door because he is blocking the front. But he follows me out back. I get my phone out to text a mutual friend (I only have friends that are also friends with him) that I need a place to stay for the night. He asks what I’m doing and I say “Texting XXX to see if I can stay over there.” He freezes and says “Don’t text XXX. I don’t understand why you are leaving.” I say “Because you broke up with me.” Then he says “Yes, but I don’t understand why that means you are leaving.” I just have no response to this, so I look at him. Then he says “You are right. I am acting a little out of character and shouldn’t be making be decisions now. I have a meeting with my counselor tomorrow at 1pm. Let’s talk after I talk to her.” It is super late at this point, so I just go back inside and go to sleep in the same bed with him.
The next morning (Wednesday before Thanksgiving), nothing happens. It is like the whole situation last night didn’t occur. We go to work together (which is the school so he can just talk to his counseling appointment). I call my sister and ask her for advice. She states that I should come up with an exit plan. She points out a lot of abusive tendencies that have been occurring recently. After I get off the phone with her, I run into our mutual friend that my partner told me not to discuss our relationship with. She asks if I am okay and I say no, I might need to stay with you for a few days. Then she says “I know. Your partner has been telling me.” That still shocks me. He was talking with her while telling me not too because it isn’t fair to put her in the middle of this? But it is okay, because after his meeting with his counselor we will talk and clear things up. Two and a half hours after it was supposed to end, he messages me that his meeting is over. He walks into my office with our mutual friend (we all work for the same advisor). We send and draft an email to our soon-to-be employer about how my graduation has been pushed back but he just pasted his defense and our new respective start dates. [This made me feel like we wouldn’t have to discuss breaking up.] We got a very typical lunch. But when we got home he asked when I would like to ‘talk about our relationship’. I said as soon as possible because it was making me anxious not knowing, but I had to go to the bathroom. When I got out of the bathroom (less than a minute), he told me he was ‘too high to talk about it’ so I rolled my eyes and went to take a nap (around 5pm). He wakes me up from my nap around (7pm) to say he is ready to talk now. My response is that he literally just woke me up and I’m not completely awake, then I fall back to sleep. He wakes me up again at 8pm and says he wrote me a letter. I say “okay” and pretend to go back to sleep. If he did write me a letter, I don’t want him watching me as I read it and it is probably a negative thing.
My partner ends up getting into bed with me, while he thinks I am sleeping. He passes out and I wake up. I start looking for the letter. I can’t find it because he is sleeping with it. The first time I try to get it, I nearly wake him up. So I wait a while and mange to grab it around 11pm that night. I’m so glad I read it when he was asleep. The very first statement is that we are breaking up. The second paragraph explains that he needs to find himself. The third paragraph states that our relationship does not need to change and I shouldn’t blow things up.
I am shocked, but oddly calm. I contact a friend in a different state “My partner just dumped me…” and she says “Stay with me”. I get that flight booked. I text my current advisoboss “I’m leaving for personal reasons but will still be available via Zoom and WhatsApp”. I text my now ex-partner’s brother “Your brother just dumped me. I’m leaving because I can’t stay here.” Then I write a response stating that I have a flight, but I need to pack so please don’t bother me while I am trying to pack. At this point it is 3am Thanksgiving.
(Thanksgiving) I just wash clothes and pack while ignoring my now ex-partner. In the morning he asks if he can still come to my grandmother’s Thanksgiving later that day… Around 8pm that day he writes me another letter asking what story we should tell for our new job and stating we should still be roommates once we move. I just respond via another note “Why do we need a story. Just tell the truth. You dumped me to ‘find yourself’ and broke my heart.” Then he started sobbing all around the house. I don’t understand why he couldn’t just give me space and let me pack after HE BROKE UP WITH ME. When I was laying in bed sleeping, he crawled into bed with me so I woke up to him… He did drive me to the airport Friday morning thought.
At the time, I just needed to get out. But now I have everyone asking me all the questions about what I’m going to do. How I don’t have a lot of savings because I paid for everything and majority of our money is in his account. I don’t know what I’m going to do about our job situation. I don’t want to give up my dream job situation because of him. But also, I feel like this is my fault for being in this situation. My mother has gotten involved. She has recently told him that he can’t drive the car (since it is my car), but now he can’t get to the school or anything. My mother told me “This is your mess, I’m just trying to clean it up.” Which has left me feeling like this is my fault. I texted our mutual friend and she said that I broke up with my ex-partner and abandoned him, which doesn’t feel true. I’m just worried about him and everyone is telling me I should be more vindictive, but I’m just so tired and don’t want to deal with this or even know what to do.
submitted by Due_Caterpillar5583 to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2023.11.28 20:56 ladjar Vprašanje za levičarje: ali podpirate to?

Full-on sexual Marxist ideas include:
covert government program to societally brainwash people to make incels more attractive to women. We already undergo a tremendous amount of cultural brainwashing and attribute that brainwashing to our "own choice". Sexual Marxism would just change what ideas are fed to people. Sexual redistribution discussions tend to hinge upon the topic of liberty. Government funded prostitutes or escorts for incels Mass legal rape and universal forced monogamy (incel wiki does not recommend or condone this) Culturally encouraged volunteer corps of women to sex up incels (although this idea came from Charles Fourier, who predated Marxism, and founded utopian socialism) 
Certain forms of Marxism, particularly though aiming at changing sexual desire, has been advocated in academia, and also by women, although not under the term, 'sexual Marxism'.
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submitted by ladjar to Slovenia [link] [comments]

2023.11.28 20:30 throwawaygranolabar I was assaulted and I’m worried it’s going to ruin my relationship

TW: SA, blood
I was sexually assaulted by my ex partner when we were still in a relationship with each other around 4 years ago. It happened more than once, and it’s hard to process because I don’t fully remember it happening each time it happened or much details. The long and short of it was that I was prescribed anti-anxiety medications at the time that made me very drowsy and out of it. I was even instructed by the doctor to have someone escort me up and down stairs for awhile because of how out of it these medications were supposed to make me feel.
I was also instructed to take more than one pill if I was having a particularly bad time with my anxiety. When I did take more than one, I barely could remember anything after. This was the only time my ex would assault me. From what I remember, my ex would initiate intimacy, I would agree while half awake and then they would do things to me very roughly and abrupt, which never happened when I wasn’t on the meds. What’s so strange to me is they were so gentle with me during intimacy when I wasn’t on the meds, but they were a different person during intimacy when I was on them. I have a few hazy memories of waking up with my ex on top of me and my own blood was all over their hands, my thighs and on the bed.
I remember waking up in so much pain after these incidents. One time I couldn’t get out of bed for the whole day. I thought for the longest time even after my ex and I had broken up that it wasn’t assault because I agreed to be intimate while under the influence of the pills. I never told anyone for a long time. I completely lost my libido for over a year. This may be tmi, but I couldn’t even touch myself without going into a full blown panic attack for the entirety of a year and a half.
When I met someone who I briefly dated, I would often have to run to the bathroom after being intimate to hide my panic. The first time I was intimate with this person, I was completely panic stricken on their bed and trying to hold tears back for awhile after and just didn’t tell them. The issue isn’t that I don’t want to have sex, it’s that I will have sex and enjoy it, but then panic immediately after.
I have been in a relationship with my current parter for 2 years now. From the very beginning with this person and for awhile, I thought maybe I was starting to do better with intimacy. However, for the past 6+ months, I’ve been having what I can only describe as panic attacks after intimacy, but these are a little different. I will enjoy sex and be fully present in it, but after it happens, my body immediately starts to involuntarily shake very hard and I just start sobbing.
My partner has been very supportive and holds me until this stops, but has voiced that they are concerned they are triggering me. I’ve voiced to them that this isn’t true, and I don’t know why this is happening more. My partner does know the full story of the assaults, and so they know this is why it’s happening. I have noticed my partner has been less touchy with me and barely initiates intimacy anymore. When I asked them about this, they told me they are afraid to trigger me. I can’t blame them for this and I completely understand, but it does make me feel bad that I can’t enjoy intimacy and am making my partner wary of me in that aspect.
I’m writing this post because last night, it was the worst it’s ever been. After intimacy, my body began to shake violently and I started crying. The lower area of my stomach especially was shaking. I also could barely even breathe this time. I was audibly gasping for air and couldn’t get a full breath in. Everything around me turned the color red and my body shook even harder. I was so embarrassed and terrified at the same time that I frantically asked my partner to go in the bathroom so they wouldn’t have to see me like that. They didn’t listen and just hugged me and tried to help me do breathing exercises until it was over.
Today, I’m still feeling incredibly embarrassed. It’s never been that bad. I don’t know why it’s getting worse. I’ve brought up the assault to a few counselors, but I guess I haven’t found something that’s helped me overcome it. My partner is very supportive, but seems even more wary today regarding intimacy and I don’t want what happened to me 4 years ago to define me now and possibly ruin my relationship. What can I do? Why is it getting worse? If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.
submitted by throwawaygranolabar to sexualassault [link] [comments]

2023.11.28 19:58 throwawaygranolabar I was assaulted and I’m worried it’s going to ruin my relationship

I was sexually assaulted by my ex partner when we were still in a relationship with each other around 4 years ago. It happened more than once, and it’s hard to process because I don’t fully remember it happening each time it happened or much details. The long and short of it was that I was prescribed anti-anxiety medications at the time that made me very drowsy and out of it. I was instructed by the doctor to have someone escort me up and down stairs for awhile because of how out of it these medications were supposed to make me feel.
I was also instructed to take more than one pill if I was having a particularly bad time with my anxiety. When I did take more than one, I barely could remember anything after. This was the only time my ex would assault me. From what I remember, my ex would initiate intimacy, I would agree while half awake and then they would do things to me very roughly and abrupt, which never happened when I wasn’t on the meds. What’s so strange to me is they were so gentle with me during intimacy when I wasn’t on the meds, but they were a different person during intimacy when I was on them. I have a few hazy memories of waking up with my ex on top of me and my own blood was all over their hands, my thighs and on the bed.
I remember waking up in so much pain after these incidents. One time I couldn’t get out of bed for the whole day. I thought for the longest time even after my ex and I had broken up that it wasn’t assault because I agreed to be intimate while under the influence of the pills. I never told anyone for a long time. I completely lost my libido for over a year. This may be tmi, but I couldn’t even touch myself without going into a full blown panic attack for the entirety of a year and a half.
When I met someone who I briefly dated, I would often have to run to the bathroom after being intimate to hide my panic. The first time I was intimate with this person, I was completely panic stricken on their bed and trying to hold tears back for awhile after and just didn’t tell them. The issue isn’t that I don’t want to have sex, it’s that I will have sex and enjoy it, but then panic immediately after.
I have been in a relationship with my current parter for 2 years now. From the very beginning with this person and for awhile, I thought maybe I was starting to do better with intimacy. However, for the past 6+ months, I’ve been having what I can only describe as panic attacks after intimacy, but these are a little different. I will enjoy sex and be fully present in it, but after it happens, my body immediately starts to involuntarily shake very hard and I just start sobbing.
My partner has been very supportive and holds me until this stops, but has voiced that they are concerned they are triggering me. I’ve voiced to them that this isn’t true, and I don’t know why this is happening more. My partner does know the full story of the assaults, and so they know this is why it’s happening. I have noticed my partner has been less touchy with me and barely initiates intimacy anymore. When I asked them about this, they told me they are afraid to trigger me. I can’t blame them for this and I completely understand, but it does make me feel bad that I can’t enjoy intimacy and am making my partner wary of me in that aspect.
I’m writing this post because last night, it was the worst it’s ever been. After intimacy, my body began to shake violently and I started crying. The lower area of my stomach especially was shaking. I also could barely even breathe this time. I was audibly gasping for air and couldn’t get a full breath in. Everything around me turned the color red and my body shook even harder. I was so embarrassed and terrified at the same time that I frantically asked my partner to go in the bathroom so they wouldn’t have to see me like that. They didn’t listen and just hugged me and tried to help me do breathing exercises until it was over.
Today, I’m still feeling incredibly embarrassed. It’s never been that bad. I don’t know why it’s getting worse. I’ve brought up the assault to a few counselors, but I guess I haven’t found something that’s helped me overcome it. My partner is very supportive, but seems even more wary today regarding intimacy and I don’t want what happened to me 4 years ago to define me now and possibly ruin my relationship. What can I do? Why is it getting worse? If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.
submitted by throwawaygranolabar to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.11.28 16:04 TheBlakRaven166 When I got falsely accused of Rape

(This is my first post here so bear with me)
I'm currently 17, a year ago I broke up with my current ex. We go to the same school and started dating freshman year. Everything was going great and swell until I found her cheating on me. I decided to break up with her for cheating on me but I didn't tell anyone she did because I wanted her life to run smooth. (I still loved her but I knew what I had to do)
Two weeks go by, I walk into the bus and the guy who sits infront of me says,
"atleast I don't sexually assault people"
I'm taken aback by this response but I spend the rest of my bus ride thinking of what he meant. I arrive at my school and walk through the doors.
My school's big with 3 floors and a lounge area. (Pretty lucky for a public school) and I see my ex sitting with my best friend and she's crying. At this point me and my ex kept mutual contact. I walk up to her and ask what's wrong and I'm met with someone I don't know trying to haymaker me. I put him on his ass and look at my ex and ask what happened. Everyone starts yelling at me and I couldn't make out what happened so I decided to leave.
After I left I messaged her what was wrong to find that she blocked me. I didn't get time to think because one of her friends came up to me (pretty calmly) and accused me of raping her. I'm taken aback by this since I'm a virgin. So I defend myself by saying we have never had intercourse. She scoffed and walked away. After that I would get random people walking up to me in the hallway saying stuff about what, "I did". I signed a no contact order between me and her and I went on with my day. I later find out what happened and how my ex was manipulated by my best friend to think I did that.
I was shocked on how she knew we never had sex and still got told by someone outside our relationship that we did. Here's the thing. Apparently it happened in the library, with two camera's watching the "place" it happened. So I know that this is going to escalate since it's on school grounds. I get pulled aside by a officer and escorted to a Assistant principal's office to be asked my side of the story. I don't even know what to give them since it didn't happend and they kept pressuring me to give them something. I just blurted out something along the lines of, "Can you leave me the hell alone". I felt bad because The assistant principal was very nice all around. He actually was the nicest person in the school and everyone loved him.
I later on find out that my ex and my ex best friend are dating and I'm not even mad at her I'm mad at my ex best friend. I want to tell her that she's dating a dude that just wants to get in her pants. (I found out later he has a rep for that) I later on find out they did it 7 months into there relationship. I feel bad for her because I know he's cheating on her but at the same time I feel like she deserves it considering what she did to me.
Currently (a year and 3 months after being accused) I'm proven innocent not by court but by lack of evidence. I'm still mentally exhausted from that stuff and all. I want to talk to her but at the same time I know at the same time if I do I'm just going to be met with alot of screaming and bickering.
submitted by TheBlakRaven166 to SupportForTheAccused [link] [comments]

2023.11.28 09:09 Zealousideal_Virus94 Life

Guys I wanna say first off please don’t make the mistake I did. So I’ve been on nofap for practically my whole life. And well as you can see from my Reddit I’ve been struggling for years. Well new problems came about and me having low SMV and a lack of sexual life has cause the problem that I have discovered in myself. I was so desperate for sex that I called an escort and then 2 days later I think I have 2 pumps on my lip that cause HIV. This is a punishment from god in my opinion and now I will suffer the rest of my life because I was encouraging lust in myself for year and then now that I finally got I have paid the price. I’m going to go STD screening at 7 today to see if I actually got it or not though. And ima be honest I think I most likely do have it but only time will tell. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Especially if your young like me. This is 100% my fault and now I’m going to suffer the rest of my life because of it. So please guys do not escort. Build yourself and wait until you find a girl who actually likes you. There’s billions of females on this earth so just keep to your self and become the best version of yourself and please don’t give up over and over like I did. I’m a failure and now I I’m going to have to suffer for it. Cya
submitted by Zealousideal_Virus94 to NoFap [link] [comments]

2023.11.28 05:00 Choice_Evidence1983 AITA for kicking my dad out from my wedding party?

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/DarkProfessional9601
Originally posted to AITAH
AITA for kicking my dad out from my wedding party?
Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, controlling behavior, verbal abuse, homophobia, obsessive behaviors towards a child, attempted imprisonment, body shaming, financial manipulation, harassment, and mentions of sexual misconduct
Editor’s Note: Added spaces in all posts for readability
Original Post - July 12, 2022
I (21f) and getting married to my fiancé (30f) this October. At the time of our engagement I was living with my dad to save money on rent, however after I told my dad of our engagement he promptly got jealous and tried to lock me in my room so “we could talk”. I managed to get out of the house after threatening to call the cops and quickly moved in with my fiancé. Since then my dad has “come around to support us” and I don’t buy it.
For context, growing up my dad has only cared about himself and his image, which cause him and and my mom to divorce when I was five. Since then all my dad has done is try to keep me under his control and house, ie; tell me the rest of my family doesn’t want me, no one else would like me, I was too fat to have friends but he’d still be my friend, and he’s the only one I should care about, etc.
Now, after my dad has come around for the wedding, he has paid for half of my dress (roughly $800) and for postage for the save the dates and invites. Here’s how I may be the asshole, after thinking about this fifty ways to hell and back, I can’t see myself as happy with my dad walking me down the aisle, fathedaughter dance etc. My mom and to be MIL have both agreed that if I don’t feel comfortable with my dad in the wedding party then I can ask him to not be in the party, he can attend the wedding still, but just as a guest.
However my fiancé says that since he has paid for part of my dress and that he should be in the wedding party. Knowing my dad, if I tell him he’s not a part of the party, he’ll throw a fit and I don’t know if I can handle that right now atop the wedding planning. AITA if I tell my dad he won’t be part of the wedding party?
Edit: I thought I added this, but I would be paying him back, sorry. I saw the first comment and realized I left it out.
Edit 2: I did post updates from the comments onto my own page.
AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the comments, OOP was NTA
Editor’s Note: the additional updated comment from August 8th, 2023, also has been blended into the Update #1 with more details
Update - Nov 21, 2023
So update post here, I finally figured out how to update. Sort of. Warning I am on mobile so there maybe some typos.
So I forgot about this whole post and page for a bit. And holy shit did shit go down at the wedding. (Also adding more details as previous "update" was in the comments and therefore limited characters.
I did end up telling my dad he was no longer part of the wedding party after we caught him trying to change wedding plans. His reasoning for trying to change stuff: "I helped pay for the wedding so I can make decisions too" He could still attend as a guest, but he would not be walking me down the aisle or anything like that.
One of my dear friends, who is very much more of a father figure to me, did end up walking me down the aisle with my mom. I did pay him back for everything that he paid money towards, not quite 1k. He did, as predicted, throw a woe is me tantrum on social media saying I was rude and not his daughter for not letting him walk me down the aisle and quote; "taking away his dream". WTF.
Important side note, we had a movie reference on the tables involving peanuts, and another note my dad has had many "medical emergencies" in his life (I.e. he's had stage four lymphoma cancer that he "was cured of", swine flu, pneumonia, Ebola, Covid, but somehow before it was even a big deal in China, and he's "severely allergic" to many foods yet doesn't own an epi pen for any allergies despite having insurance that would cover most if not all of the expense).
Anyways he did attend as a guest (which I now regret letting him) as he did try to crash our first look and tried to get into the bridal suite to "talk to me" about the walking down the aisle. When asked what about, he wanted to try to talk me out of marrying my now wife, because she wasn't a good person.
Again, wtf? And that he had evidence that she had been cheating on me, but when asked to see said evidence, he said he didn't have it on him(obviously as my wife hadn't been cheating on me). My dad proceeded to storm away after my MOH didn't let him inside and he took a seat at one of the tables, with the afore mentioned peanuts. He. Lost. His. Shit.
There wasn't even very many on the tables, maybe a small handful at most (5-7), screamed and swore at the sight of the peanuts on the table and went off on how he didn't feel good, couldn't breathe, etc. I had a view through a window from the suite of what went down and it looked like a scene straight out of a cheap ass soap opera. He knocked over the chairs, crashed back into another table and when offered medical attention, one of my uncles runs a small family practice, he spit out a no and he would drive himself to the er and promptly left. I did get a text later saying how could I have peanuts on the table when I knew he had a peanut allergy etc but I left him on read and continued enjoying the party.
We haven't talked since, and my wife and I are now expecting our first kid in the next few weeks, my dad has not reached out since the wedding and it's been the most stress free time in my life.
Editor’s Note: another additional updated comment from Aug 8th, 2023 was also blended into Update #2 with more details, along with the latest update as of Nov 21st, 2023, at the bottom of the post
Update #2 - Nov 21, 2023
UPDATE...ish from comments again, I'm just posting the update to my own page and adding more information. Ok so I seriously thought that this dad drama shit was over. High gods I was so fucking wrong.
So yesterday, my wife and I had to go to the hospital to check on the baby (no this wasn't a scheduled appointment, I was having really bad Braxton hicks and the doc wanted to check us, we're all good). But somehow my dad got wind that we are expecting and in came the bombardment of texts and calls.
Literally I had to turn my phone off because it was crashing from the amount of notifications I was getting. So the rest of the visit goes well, we were there for about three and a half hours. I turned my phone back on to see wtf happened.
Well my dad's pissed I didn't tell him I was pregnant, which honestly, I don't care. I don't trust him around kids, especially my own after I found out about his history (he was a bishop in the religion I was raised in, and there was evidence that he was "touchy" with certain aged people behind the closed doors of his office-that's all I'm willing to say to the internet, if you know, you know). He was asking when the baby was due and all that, the typical parental questions.
This is where it got weird. He then asked who else was going to be in the delivery room aside himself, and when he and I were going to the 4-D ultrasound, and when the next doctor's appointment was going to be so he could go with me instead of my wife.
Yes you read that right, the man invited himself in place of my wife to be in the delivery room and to every appointment before the delivery without even asking. I said no, it was going to be just me and my wife at the doctor's appointments, ultrasound appointment, and especially just us in the delivery room. Which he tried to turn it on me saying he was just trying to be considerate, and then proceeded to say my grandma (a VERY religious woman) could be in the delivery room instead. Again no, that woman has also caused some serious religious trauma in the past and I am not even okay with her being in the same building as my unborn child as it is.
I'm to the point of wanting to go no contact with most of that side of the family. I've set up passwords and an anonymous patient security thing with the hospital and my doctor to make sure my father can't do anything. At this point we are going very LC with my dad and grandma, but I just needed to vent about this as this is the norm in my family, but my wife can't even understand why my family is like this and I feel like I'm going a bit crazy. Thanks for listening!
UPDATE: my baby girl is here (well she's been here for almost three months), very healthy and born three weeks early. I'm now almost NC with my dad and grandma (his mother). So my father did try to show up during delivery and got escorted off the property by security.
My doctor and the team was absolutely amazing handling him and my grandma who also tried to pull stuff according to my wife who handled them while I was in labor. There was also a point when my wife and I were at a doctors appointment and my dad showed up trying to get inside, saying-and I SERIOUSLY wish I was joking-"he was the actual father and needed to be back there". He makes me want to vomit every time he opens that putrid mouth of his. Oh how I wish to chop out his tongue.
To shorten things up, another reason why I've gone little to no contact with my father is because he texts me asking how his baby is (referring to my daughter) and when she can come stay with him, etc.
We have a rule that only women can change girls and men change boys diapers until they can talk etc, and my father kept trying to make jabs at me saying that as a parent you"you know no love like a parent, and nothing like the pain from your child hurting you" heavy eye rolls
We are moving to the east coast some time next year or so and will NOT be giving out our address or even city to that side of the family as well as changing phone numbers.
Relevant Comments
lizger59: Good. I'd also look into cameras if he knows where you live now.
OP: Those have been ordered as we live in a sketchier side of town to begin with and because of him as well. Thanks!
PsychologicalBit5422: What's with the nappy changing thing? That's just a bit wierd.
OP: I don't know how to explain it better really, but I will try, aside me and my wife, my mom, mil, other female relatives that we trust, they can change my daughter's diaper while male relatives (mostly the grandfathers) can't. We've both had issues with men growing up so we're trying to do our best to avoid like it anything happening again. Not that those said people are allowed near our girl to begin with.
GullibleNerd88: any chance of a restraining order till you are able to move?
OP: Unfortunately no, nothing he's done so far is deemed "threatening" enough in police eyes. Unless he threatens my or my family's lives and we get it on record or something that is actually illegal we can't really do much.
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

2023.11.27 23:16 Heavy_Orchid_8536 Hi, I'm New Here

Can I post a link?
This was written about a year and almost a half ago.'Since then, I got a fast-food job and went to school(college, back after twelve years of being n and out of there, counselors all told me different things and sold me on classes I didn't need. Classmates and co-workers were harassing me so much that I eventually gave up.)

I just want a job. Plus, I believe that since reading a post here about cops being behind it: back right when this all started, I was crying in my car and my parents called the cops on me (I think I wrote about it in the blog linked). The problem has been that I mentioned the concentration camps in China and the torture going on over there and it was still 2018. They have been doing that in that country since 2016, and it is still ongoing. The last time I went out with an old friend - an ex who I had already had a falling out with previous times, yet he was the only one I could trust or rely on - and we were being followed by a cop car (according to him). Also, in the winter of 2018, I went back with another ex(for the same: protection and trust)) and eventually I got kicked out due to his constant lying and starting fights because he had a drug problem(he was the one I went to jail over, also mentioned in the blog). Well, what happened was that not only did I go with a groomepedo ex from when I was a teen and when I ran away from him and got in touch with yet another inner city friend (which, I need to mention "like the hobo pedo ex", near the same neighborhood/culture), that friend pretended to be taking me in. His wife was so mad that she didn't even speak to me and he excused her as the kind of person who got mad at him for helping his friends out. Next thing you know, he ends up banging and making noi9ses at every opportunity as he allowed me to sleep on his couch and muttered something about his brother "calling the cops on him in his own house", almost as a way of making me feel guilty for what I had done...Regardless of me actually having gotten abused, screaming for help, getting a feeling that guy I was with would actually kill me like how he said he had gotten away with in the past, annnd only calling the cops after telling him I would call them and it was only for the purpose of him not locking me out as I was about to move out - I wanted them as escorts to help me move back into my car....I was stupid and naive, I have been this whole time and I get this feeling I am just so slow that people think I am just putting on an act or am just so easy to play with in such demented ways. Next thing you know they arrested him and this was how this all started...I even suspected the owner at the restaurant we met at had something to do with human trafficking, I mention in the blog about how sketchy it all was with the mention of other women living at the places I did and never being heard from again.
I seriously don't have anywhere to go and my parents are convinced I am crazy(they always say I am "on dr5ugs" as a way to push me down, regardless of me only doing it to fit in socially in the last year or so, only a few times and with shady people...yet AIDS scare and everything, it had almost been a relief knowing I was going to die, only to be told it wasn't it and realizing I was just feeling the symptoms of coming down and off the drugs), even though they are sadistic and covert narcissists and yet the safest people I can be around.
Seriously, the sobestraight-edge/"nice"(fake nice) people tell me to get help or to go to church. These "good" people(or people who agree to help me out) look down on me and they have tried to manipulate me into doing creepy things with them(have recorded me while doing sexual things together, I was only hoping to gain their sympathy and help) or are just mean people who want to lecture me about how I need to go on walks. Oh, and I have posted everywhere online, like in comment sections and even had conversations with people states away who offered to take me in, yet had their own problems like family issues and drama I wouldn't go near because I am so done with that. No enabling alcoholics or cheaters, let alone sadists...which is what those two guys seemed to be like(event he neighbor who I dated seemed to be one of those guys and then I wondered if he was just crazy and had a weird relationship with his sister or if that lady was just really mad at me cuz they had something like a marriage together, despite him being the alcoholic and me just having been along for the ride...much like the ex who would kick me out and start fights and have his whole family blame me, same thing). The last time I left my home I was followed into my neighborhood and then freaked out by going "I have your license plate number" after they kept giving me snide/sarcastic answers to my questions. I remember calling the nurse helpline and they transferred me. I wasn't able to report them, surprise, surprise. Then, I called the local police department and shared everything I could as they kept asking me where I was at. To my dismay, I replied to that with: "I just need this on the record that I called and all that I am saying to you" before eventually letting them know and being told I had to call another number. Still worked up over just having been followed (and initially harassed by a random man lying about me putting too many books into the little library, which is located in front of the house of this girl I mentioned int eh blog as the one having told me "don't stay out here too don't want to get kidnapped out here"), I asked a law firm and they hung up on me as I rambled to them what the situation was.
The drug dealers and users on the street act friendly only to lure me in and make me feel just like my friend back in 2019 did (all in the blog, but in short: like they are leaving me to get arrested).

I have even left Southern California and have been followed up to Northern California and heard sketchy people around me(completely sober, mind you, a bowl of marijuana just prior to leaving for the 16 hour trip or whatever it was, I wasn't even using my navigation, I was so sketched out from never knowing what could be preventing me from finally being free. I ignored this feeling of being followed until one guy came up to me and asked to smoke pot with me. [I have since only used it as an escape/medication for anxiety - i sort of abused it when the kids at school and work started getting to me earlier this year, go figure it turned out to be used against me - and as of very recently decided to give that up, Caffeine, for me. makes me feel awful. Perhaps because it makes me feel like when I was poisoned with meth in my food and such(all in the blog).] When he did, he insisted on giving me like $18 and then I realized he had ripped my charger (also in the blog)

Sorry if there is a lot of repetition to the blog linked,, plus some added details and more up-to-date events. My whole story is in that blog and I seriously wrote it thinking I would never have to bring it up again - it was the "closing of that chapter of my life", but here I am.

PS: To tie this all back to that initial event that I wholeheartedly believe this was all due to: me going on to the cops about the Chinese citizens being unfairly reprimanded for crimes they did not commit. they are being interrogated using torture methods. I was later told there was a terrorist group who was to blame for the extreme practices, but that in no way justifies persecuting a whole race - the Uyghurs in Xinjiang. Funny enough, I had this one dream I can never forget and that seems like it will somehow someday have a possibility of happening (if not in reality, but perhaps a symbol as to how afraid and captured I feel): I had a dream about being in this big, open field. Like in physical education at school. There was a man speaking in an Asian-sounding tongue and then this older Chinese-looking gentleman behind me goes 'They're teaching us the wrong word for "orphan".'My whole life has been a lie in many ways and I was almost trained to believe anything/stay gullible and agree automatically to things I later process, question, and even call out. The delay is my downfall. For standing up for myself, for not feeling undermined, and for not taking action that is right, such as letting those I thought I held close and was noble to get away with doing the wrong thing (often using me as a sort of buffer to get away with things, being delinquents and me being this innocent looking girl, I look years younger, but even the paramedics, nurses, and cops have treated me like I was up to no good on purpose...I only ever tried to get people off of drugs, on their feet, or to be faithful to me....that last reason is precisely why I have done horrible, horrible things).

I was even wondering if there was a possibility to sue myself. To actually take myself to court and to call myself out on everything I put myself through. Is that a thing? I carry so much guilt and feel as though turning myself in would get these people exactly what they want...despite them being more awful people than I am.

If I need to edit since I kind of got off-topic there at the end, please let me know before rejecting. Or message me, instead. I am so scared and alone,. Thanks!
submitted by Heavy_Orchid_8536 to Gangstalking [link] [comments]

2023.11.27 22:13 defnotsylviq Should I ever give him another chance or should I let go of him once and for all?

Hey everyone! This is gonna be a long one, so sorry, and thank you for your time if you read all this.
My ex (19/M) broke up with me (18/F) 2 months ago. Ever since I’ve been going through every motion of a painful breakup and now is the time I’ve decided to get advice from the internet.
Let’s start with our story: we met when I was a freshman, and him a sophomore (I’ll call him Eric). At the end of the school year, he texted me, and we started talking. Went out a few times, but nothing serious. We liked each other. Then at the beginning of summer, I met one of my old crushes, for whom I had very strong feelings in the past. I got together with him in the span of a weekend, and even though I felt bad for Eric, I was just really happy that my old crush finally returned my feelings. Eric found out from a friend of mine (I wanted to tell him, but my friend was faster), and he got really upset with me (understandably). Fast forward to the end of summer, he broke up with me, and even though it wasn’t a serious relationship, it made me really sad. Anyway, the new school year started, me now in 10th grade and Eric in 11th, and not much time had passed until I realized that I chose the wrong person to get together with. I tried reconnecting with Eric, but he didn’t want anything, PLUS he kissed a friend of mine during summer, which I only found out after my breakup. Time passed, him and my friend (who he made out with) went out on dates, but they never got together. It was either him or her who didn’t want a relationship. Throughout 10th grade and 11th grade, he was kind of on and off with my friend, they kissed at parties several more times, which really hurt me because I liked him, and even though my friend felt bad as well, she also had feelings for him. All this time the attraction between us was HUGE, and not just in terms of physical attraction, but so much more.Now we reached the summer of me going in 11th grade, and him 12th grade. We were at a camp, and on the last night of it, we kissed for the first time. I was really happy because all that time I felt like there was a wall between him and me (because of their thing with my friend), but I also felt incredibly bad and guilty, because of my friend. Before school started, we went out and decided to try going out again, taking it slow so we could see where this goes. 1 week passed of us “trying”, and let me tell you he made the lowest of efforts, so I voiced my concerns and he said “it was just old feelings resurfacing” for him, so we were off (again).Then October came, and I was going out with a friend of his (we were in the same social circles), and it was really great, this person treated me well and we were about to get together at the end of October… Then I realized at a party where Eric was present as well that I still have feelings for him, as he was going upstairs with a girl and me downstairs with this person. I wished I was the one going upstairs with him, so that was when it clicked. Shortly after I realized that he might be my first love, and I confessed to this after the party. I told him that I knew what his answer would be, but I just wanted to tell him. He said, of course, that he doesn’t want anything. After that, I told the person I was going out with that I still have feelings for Eric, and it’s not fair to them so we should call this off. They were, of course, hurt, but since then they found love and we’re good friends now. November passed, I didn’t really care about Eric now that I got that off my chest, and then at the end of November, we went out to do a project together. Exactly one year ago.The tension between us was otherworldly, and we couldn’t get any work done. Toward the end we kissed at a random moment, and I was sad all over again thinking that I would relapse into crying and being sad about him while he still doesn’t want anything serious. He escorted me home and told me on the bus that lately he’s been thinking about me non-stop, and he wants to be more than friends. I was really happy, I couldn’t believe it, but I set down some conditions (let’s do this again only if you’re serious about this because I don’t want to get hurt again, etc.), and he agreed, so we started going out on dates. He was a whole different person than the one I went out with in September, he was affectionate, attentive, really adorable, and so on.It was going well, and in December he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I obviously agreed.
Now I’ll tell you all about our relationship. It was true, it was beautiful, everything I ever wanted. We really, truly loved each other, we had beautiful moments, I lost my v card with him, we had a really great intimate life, and everything was great. We went out, met each other's families, made great memories, and so on. Of course, we had fights, but we always talked it through, the communication was great. We made each other a better person.
It was up until the end of this summer that I thought he was gonna be my husband and the father of my kids. Little back story; he comes from a religious background (so do I, but his parents are strongly set on it), and I can say our levels of perception of our religion and God was the same. He participated in a religious camp where his existential crisis started, and he rethinked who he was, his values, our relationship, everything. He came back from the camp saying that he wants to stop having sex until marriage, and I accepted that, even though I think it was an important part of our relationship. From there it all went downhill, because he distanced himself saying he needs space to really think about our relationship and whether this is what he wants as his future. I was shocked of course, but tried giving him space. I failed, and I tried pulling him closer while I felt him slipping away. My 18th birthday came and it was as shitty as it could be. He gave me a necklace which I was and still am, really grateful for, but nothing else, not even a little toast about me becoming an adult or a love letter alongside it. We always made really special and meaningful gifts for each other, so I expected something like that. On that day, he told me that he loves me and wants to continue the relationship, but at that exact moment he doesn’t see our future together. He said he gives me time to think about this as well, and let’s see where we get. I was heartbroken, but I told him that I didn’t have to think about it, I wanted him and I wanted to work on this. Not much time had passed, my last grandparent sadly passed away, and 5 days after the funeral (which Eric attended to support me) he broke up with me.
Now, after 2 months I understand his reasons. He said we’re not at a point from which we go on, we could have a future together, we’re different at the core, with different dreams, goals in life, and so on. This hurt really bad because people always said how we’re so much alike and the same person but in different genders. He was also going away for uni to a different country, so he rather didn’t start it with us being in that state that we were in. We cried, it was bad, really bad. I reached the lowest point of my life, my heart shattered into infinite pieces because with this man I picked baby names and talked about our future in detail. At and after the breakup we talked about communication, and we agreed on timely checkups, which is constantly breaking no contact. It’s good because we still know how the other one is doing, but it hurts at the same time, and it’s not healthy.
Everything reminds me of him, our little inside jokes, the places in the city, our friend groups, he’s still everywhere. We spoke 3-4 times since the breakup. I slept with someone just to see if I could be with someone else who isn’t him, and let me tell you: it was a horrible feeling. At least I realized that this isn’t the way I want to fill the void inside me, so there’s that. Now this all would go on as it was, except he slept with one of my friends on his birthday. Now I’m not saying he can’t, we’re not together anymore, and he has every right. But he was the one who said he didn’t want any sexual activity until marriage, then he slept with someone (who is my friend). Soon after I wished him happy birthday I bought this up, saying I heard about his little adventure, and he confirmed that it really did happen. We argued, we were mad, I told him about my encounter and he was upset too, but oh GOD I was incredibly mad at him, mostly very disappointed. It felt like a backstab. He said he’s disappointed in himself too, because he couldn’t control himself and did what he swore against. At the end of the conversation, we said I love you to each other, and that we miss each other. He also said he hopes that this decision he had to make will benefit us in the future, ergo he’s hoping that one day we find our way back to each other just as much as I do (even though we said we shouldn’t be holding onto this). Now since that conversation, we spoke once, and he said he’s coming home for an event I will be attending as well in December. I don’t want to see him, it will hurt, and we will be acting like two strangers even though we know each other like no one else does.
I had many conversations with my friends, and almost every convo resulted in the conclusion of me moving on and not letting him back if he ever does come back. The problem is that I still want him to come back, I want us back, it feels like a part of me is missing with him gone. The pattern of our relationship was him leaving, then coming back, then me letting him back in, and him leaving again, and so on (this is why our backstory was important). So my question is: do I, can I hold onto hope regarding reconciliation? If that will ever happen, should I let him back in? Does he deserve a third or fourth chance? I feel like I need to draw a line and set boundaries, finally say no so he knows that I’m not someone who he always has power over, but I love him with my whole soul, and I think I’ll never be able to love someone so honestly and truly and as much as I love/loved him. I would be able to find forgiveness in my heart if I would see that he changed, but what’s the guarantee that he wouldn’t leave again? Nothing. So I don’t know what to do. Should I get over him and the idea of us forever?
Please help me, I’m so lost and confused and heartbroken.. Thank you in advance and thank you for reading all this! Much love❤️
submitted by defnotsylviq to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2023.11.27 21:06 reneeamour Should I be worried about my sexual history?

I’m 22F and Christian. I recently experienced revival and I am trying to become stronger in my faith; virtuousness and purity being part of that. However, when I was 17, I had my heart broken and then quickly rebounded to a relationship with a 23M guy. Pretty much the moment I turned 18 I gave my virginity to him. I was a Christian by label but not really by practice. I was actually baptized the month after we broke up (it was a five month relationship), and I have not engaged in any sexual relationship since because I intend on saving myself for marriage.
I ended up on the wrong side of Quora where a few men had posed questions asking what they should do since they found out that their wives had had sex with their boyfriends before marrying them. Many of the most praised responses included cheating on her, buying an escort, etc.
This shatters me. I fully intend on being honest with my future husband and telling him about my past far before the question gets popped, but is this something I really have to worry about? If there’s any men that are Christian who could answer, would you really hold disdain for your woman if you found this out, and would you consider infidelity as an outlet?
(PS, & TMI: If it’s any consolation… I never once… ‘Finished’ with my ex boyfriend. Not once.)
submitted by reneeamour to dating_advice [link] [comments]

2023.11.27 13:41 Intelligent-Soup-220 I feel like a bad mother

This is going to be a rant,so sorry for that, I just need to get this off my chest
Hey my name is Ashley and I’ve been having some difficulties with my daughter lately and a good friend of mine requested Reddit, so here I am!
For my daughters fifth birthday (In September) I got her tablet (which now I regret) and for a while everything was going good, I even set time limits with the tablet so she wasn’t on it all the time. I rarely checked the tablet but a month ago, out of the blue I decided to check the tablet and I went through her search history and I found xxx videos, I was appalled, I didn’t believe what I was seeing, I called my daughter in the room and confronted her about it, I asked why she was looking at stuff like this and she reply with “I don’t know” I asked her if anyone showed her this and she wouldn’t answer me, I was so pissed off so I took the tablet away and told her to go to her room. Mind you, she is 5 years old FIVE, so I have absolutely no idea how she accessed these videos, I don’t know if she accidentally got access to it or if someone showed this to her, she can’t read nor write. I talked to her teacher about it and asked if anything inappropriate was going in the classroom with my child or any other child and she said no. My daughter doesn’t go anywhere except school and home, sometimes she goes over my mothers and her dads house but that’s it. I was literally balling my eyes out that night cus I felt like a shitty mother for even giving her the tablet. I’m trying to talk to her and get to the bottom of this but she’s not telling me anything expect she’s likes seeing naked people and that sentence terrifies me. I was sexually assaulted as a child and it caused me to be sexually active at a very young age, it brought back so much trauma and I wondered if a bad person like a family member showed this to her. My daughter is like any other typical five year old girl, she likes the color pink and dolls and unicorns so I don’t understand how or why she would be watching something like that. I even asked her if she knew what she was watching and she said no, she didn’t even know what she was watching but she was looking at more than 10 sexually explicit videos. I haven’t told anybody about this (except the teacher) because I don’t want people thinking I’m a bad mom or I’m the reason why my daughter is watching this. On thanksgiving, I went to my moms house and we were all sitting at the table eating and my mom asked my daughter where her tablet was and she said “mommy took it away because I was watching naked people” and my mom just looked at me so concerning and I had to tell her about the situation which was not easy, since the day my daughter was born, my mom always complained about how I’m such a “bad mother” so my daughter saying that didn’t help at all. I have no idea what I should do, I don’t know if I should take her to the police or something but I’m really at my witts end. I don’t want to tell my daughter something that she’s not ready to know at her young age but I’m running out of options. I don’t want her going to school and telling her classmates about these “naked people”. I have no options right now and I feel like a bad mother.
submitted by Intelligent-Soup-220 to family [link] [comments]

2023.11.27 11:27 NewExperiences__ 24 [NB4A] UK/Online - Looking to meet new people, have fun and maybe find the one? X

My names Jessica or Jess. I'm a non-binary AMAB although parts of me think I might be leaning towards MtF, who's honestly just looking for my one. Although if there's some fun to be had during my journey to find them I won't complain ;).
I'm your typical nerdy gamer, love gaming, history, fantasy, comics. If it's nerdy, you name it I probably love it. I'm also a pretty sexual person so while it's not a deal breaker I'd love it if you were aswell, or atleast were happy with the fact I am ;P
I'm a pretty open person to people's interests both sexual and hobbies so I'd love to find out what yours are.
I'm mostly looking for femme presenting indivuals as that's where my attractions tends to focus so no cis guys pleaseee.
I'm not overly bothered about distances but obviously being closer to me would be good for meeting etc but I'm more than happy for long distance aswell.
Well I'm not too sure what else to put here so I'm gonna just wrap this on up with a quick "Can't wait to hear from you!!"
Anywayyy much loves,
Jess xxx
submitted by NewExperiences__ to t4t [link] [comments]

2023.11.27 09:23 Ok_Newspaper_5759 A

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submitted by Ok_Newspaper_5759 to u/Ok_Newspaper_5759 [link] [comments]

2023.11.27 08:38 Study_Brave WHAT'S WRONG?

I'm having so many nightfalls / wet dreams. I know it's a normal and biological process, but I've had an average of 2 nightfalls a week for months and months now (my maximum was 5 nightfalls in a week).
The thing I wanted to understand is if this is due to the fact that sexual thoughts are still strongly present in my brain and therefore when I sleep my subconscious is activated? I do a lot of sport, in the last year I have lost about 14,5kg (about 31,96 pounds) i drink 2L of water, I meditate every now and then, in short, I don't smoke nor drink, , I no longer go with random girls or Escorts, all in all I have implemented and improved my habits, so what's happening?
submitted by Study_Brave to NoFap [link] [comments]

2023.11.27 05:55 Gold_Shallot_1690 Lena literally the Definition of a prostitute.

Lena literally the Definition of a prostitute. submitted by Gold_Shallot_1690 to NoJumperV2 [link] [comments]

2023.11.27 05:12 ifuckedyourdaddytoo Examples of Orthodox hypocrisy

A recent interaction with an Orthodox interloper here makes me realize it's time to collect examples of Orthodox hypocrisy into a list.
Edit: Adding a citation about Fr. Trenham's family, thanks to a commenter.
submitted by ifuckedyourdaddytoo to exorthodox [link] [comments]

2023.11.27 04:17 trainwithlexi Hubby of 4yrs cheated multiple times: to those who have survived infidelity, I need advice

So two weeks ago, I found out I got chlamydia and I knew he gave it to me considering I have only ever been with him sexually. He denied cheating and also denied it when i found websites and texts on his phone. He tried to tell me he was hacked even though he had his pictures being sent to girls(escorts, real girls, you name it.) he really thought i was an idiot to think I’m going to believe he got hacked. So when i told him i would always have doubt, he confessed that he has been watching porn our whole marriage and the last year he has had sex 10 times with other women. The first time he banged another chick was 2 weeks after i had his baby, so big cut to my self esteem. I was also struggling really bad with post partum depression and instead of tryin to help me he was banging some random chick. He claims this was all sexual, no emotions attached. The first 4 times was the same chick and apparently he just went with her multiple times because she was the only available one. Then he ended up booking two trips to Mexico, a month apart, and banged three prostitutes EACH time. He’s obviously some kind of sexual/porn addict but I’m sick of people acting like it’s because of the addiction and he didn’t have a choice, when he still ultimately made the choice to break our marriage vows 10 times. Each time he went and stayed with these women, he lied and told me that he was going on a work trip. He says that he loves me more than anything and that sex was always amazing with me and I’m so much better looking than them, he says it was the addiction that just made it impossible for me to satisfy the “fix.” I’m not sure if I want to stay with him or not still. We have two kids so it makes it complicated. We are going through counseling and he’s convinced he will change, and i believe he actually thinks he’s going to change. i can’t be sure he will actually though. I’m also not sure that even if he changes, it will ever not be painful for me to stay with the man who hurt me so much. I’m only 24, and i feel like i wasted my best years with him. He was my everything and I’m totally broken.
To anyone who has tried to make it work after infidelity, do they actually change and do you ever feel completely healed and that you can trust them ?!
EDIT: If you have nothing nice to say to me, don’t say anything at all. You most likely have no idea what this level of emotional/mental damage and betrayal this has on a person. I’ll never understand how y’all be putting down a victim, it’s messed tf up
submitted by trainwithlexi to amiwrong [link] [comments]